If I Could But Remember

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If I could but remember

The way my smiles came

The breeze by which they blew in

Or was it the summer rain?

There is no reason why I can’t

Recall the good times few

But each time I stopped believing them

I saw nightmares as true

The golden fleece of healing

Did nothing for my eyes

For all I saw was darkness

In the silver lining lies

If I could but remember

What it was making me so sad

Then perhaps I’d find a better way

To keep this smile that I had

The doom and gloom have left me

I cower in silence no more

For what I thought was incomplete

Was the thing I went looking for

The smiles came by blizzard

Not subtle but by force

It wasn’t the eternal kind

But the kind which dies of course

If I could but remember

Feeling normal though I try

I know it would all be sacrilege

To hide the smiles while I cry.

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