If I could but remember
The way my smiles came
The breeze by which they blew in
Or was it the summer rain?
There is no reason why I can’t
Recall the good times few
But each time I stopped believing them
I saw nightmares as true
The golden fleece of healing
Did nothing for my eyes
For all I saw was darkness
In the silver lining lies
If I could but remember
What it was making me so sad
Then perhaps I’d find a better way
To keep this smile that I had
The doom and gloom have left me
I cower in silence no more
For what I thought was incomplete
Was the thing I went looking for
The smiles came by blizzard
Not subtle but by force
It wasn’t the eternal kind
But the kind which dies of course
If I could but remember
Feeling normal though I try
I know it would all be sacrilege
To hide the smiles while I cry.
To Be an Equal 