Thankfulness, Day 9

  
I first read The Fellowship of the Ring when I was in middle school. I was captivated by the story, even if it was just a smidge over my head. But this particular portion of thebook was lost to me completely. It wasn’t until the movie came out and the internet boomed that I even recalled ther was a poem. This is the most widely recalled line, and for good reason.

Today’s theme is aimlessness.

A few years ago, I did a facebook post on this very day about being thankful for being aimless. And I found it today, believing that I had been a genious. You see, in the end, it isn’t really the destination, is it? It’s always been about the journey. But so many footsteps are solidifying for me that I am enthralled by my own wanderings.

I started college Autumn 2011. I had to immediately withdraw (within the first week) because I listened to my peers and drank far too many energy drinks and my kidneys couldn’t handle it. I was in the ER multiple times, my PCP (Personal Care Physician) too and it was determined that my energy drink habits were killing me. Before that fall, I’d spent my summers drinking Monster BFCs (Big Effing Cans-the equivalent of 4 Monsters in one can) and Rockstars and Venoms (these were my favorite). I was always seen with one in my hand. Now it’s coffee and the occasional soda for me, marginalized by gallons of water.

I didn’t return to college (or technically even start college) until Winter 2012. We were still on quarters then. I was a bio major, determined to be a pediatric oncologist. My entire life was dedicated to this. Only my heart didn’t seem to be. For two years, I fought with deciding if I was doing the right thing with my life. Ultimately, I wasn’t. I had the heart for the job, the brains too, but it wasn’t what I longed for. And so I became an anthro major.

Even then my wandering (and wondering) was not over. What kind of anthropologist would I be? I couldn’t decide, wanted to do everything and ultimately picked cultural. But that isn’t to say I haven’t had a couple moments where physical sounded like a much smarter idea. Even this left some questions.

What would I focus on? People was far too broad a focus, culture wouldn’t work either. Religion. Now that could work. But what about it? Eventually, I landed on something both practical and interesting. Religious Extremism and Violence as a Diplomatic Interference. Now that sounds snappy, doesn’t it? I only really settled into that idea. Now comes the new wave of questions about jobs and such.

But as I said: it’s really all about the journey, anyway, isn’t it? Sometimes the lights have to go out, the path needs to disappear before we can find ourselves. There isn’t really a way to make it easier, or less scary. You just have to take the plunge. Interesting.

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9 thoughts on “Thankfulness, Day 9

  1. I really enjoyed this post! You’re so right about the journey and aimlessness of it all being the point of things. I also really enjoyed getting to know more about you! That’s really scary that you had to be hospitalized, but I’m glad you figured it out and are doing much better now!

    1. You know, I’m amazed I didn’t need hospitalized before. I think it was the stress of moving to campus. Energy drinks are dangerous. But I regret nothing. Were I not there then, I may not be here now and that is a crazy concept! But today’s post also served as a reminder to myself. I stress about the future a lot and I need to be okay with not having all the answers.

      1. So true; I try to look at things the same way, that had they not have happened my life could be so very different, and I wouldn’t want that! Being reminded of that is a good thing. I think all of us suffer from wanting to know the unknown and stressing about things that aren’t really in our control to begin with. It sounds like you’re doing well and are really getting things figured out though! 🙂

      1. I completely agree! I too try to be open with things that have happened in my life that I wish I would have known, and perhaps someone else will be able to benefit from reading. I’m glad that you do share these things! 🙂

      2. I try to go with the flow, but living with an unpredictable and unmediated disorder is just begging for an upset. Either way, more people need to talk about these things, and I’m more than willing to open the door and say “Hey, this is pretty damn important.” And I’m so thankful so many of the wonderful bloggers I’ve met believe that too.

      3. Agreed 100%! I love the blogosphere; everyone seems so helpful and open on here! I wish more people would have that same outlook and bring awareness and big issues out in the open! But I suppose that’s what we’re here for, to slowly start that process!

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