What We’re Telling Victims

I really wish that my career choice was obsolete-that there was no need for it anymore, that there was no position open because no one needed it. I wish that this blog was the space for poetry, for stories with happy endings and for laughter.

But that’s not how life works.

I’ve been saying for months now that the statistics are wrong, that they’re too low. I’ve preached at ya’ll about the unfairness of the courts, the struggle that women (and men) face each day because of hypersexualization. And while I have tried to be educational, this blog hurts.

I did a response letter to the Stanford victim (Read it here: My Letter to the Stanford Victim), back when Rapist Brock Allen Turner was all over the news. I did a response letter to the Kesha case (Read it here: Why the Kesha Ruling Matters), when she was told that her safety didn’t matter because of a contract, as well as a piece over an Oklahoma case about what “isn’t” rape (Read if here: Too Many). And here I am-once again-to write about the frustration I feel at a court system that isn’t quite just.

You might not have heard about this case, but I came across it today. It was just reported yesterday, and I don’t think there was as much stink in the press about it. But there should be. Here’s the link to the story: Indiana University (Note: This one is an actual news story, not one of mine.) The following picture is from Google. I don’t own it.

Imprisoned in DNA cage

Here’s what we’re telling victims these days:

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if the person who did it is athletic.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if you are more drunk than the person attacking you.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if you and your attacker are at a frat party (or frat house).

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if you wake up during sex you didn’t agree to.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if you wake up during sex you didn’t know you were having.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if someone doesn’t see it. Or if they do.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if the attacker was also drinking that night.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if you were dancing/wearing a skirt/wearing pants/wearing undergarments/not wearing undergarments/doing anything but staying at home under constant supervision.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if the person who attacked you was a college student-even if they were on break.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence if you’re on a college campus.

You’re not a victim of sexual violence. Period.

 

I know that there are plenty of things to also say in regards to this article, these stories, and I understand. I understand that I don’t have the full picture. I understand that I wasn’t there-and therefore don’t know exactly what happened. I get it. But I also understand what it’s like to have no one believe the words that come out of my mouth. I understand the feeling of fear when I walk by myself-even in broad daylight. I get it.

If you want to look at some of the other pieces I’ve done in regards to this topic, or perhaps you’re new to my blog (thank you for reading!!) and haven’t seen them yet, I invite you to check out the following:

My Experience with Sexual Violence: Unsteady

A List of Resources for Information, Support and Justice: This One’s For You

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6 thoughts on “What We’re Telling Victims

  1. I literally got sick to my stomach over the Brock Turner case. Like you, I wish you never had to write a post like this, however I’m not real optimistic at this time. I think we’re a long way off.

    1. I agree. Especially with the trend of cases giving lenient-to-no sentences. It’s actually part of the reason I’m going into law-just because I know I will fight harder than the courts we hear about on the news. But until then, I will continue to speak out, because if no one speaks up, nothing will change.

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