Once Upon A Time

It was a slightly overcast day, but with enough sun to count as sunny. I woke up, smiled a bit, and headed to school and my then job as a tutor for the school. It was the end of April, and I was looking forward to the end of the semester. Ben, working in the same department, saw me as I walked in. I asked him what was on his mind, and we began to talk about the same topic that we’d been casually mentioning for ages: marriage. I thought we could just do a courthouse run when we went to get our marriage certificate, but the courthouse hadn’t offered them, and so we were still looking for a solution. I pulled the number up for the courthouse of the municipal we were in for classes (which was the next district over, and therefore a possibility). The judge DID perform marriages-by appointment only!

When would we like to be married?

I wanted May Day-a religious holiday about fertility and thusly good luck.

They only did Friday’s.

May second? Booked.

May ninth?

That was fine. We were scheduled for 9AM. Perfect.


The date was two weeks away, with plenty of time to break the news to our families that we were being completely serious (they’d known we would for about a year, but until we had something concrete it was always just up in the air.) We’d tried a December wedding, but it hadn’t panned out.

Fast forward to the Friday before our wedding-Friday, May 2 at 4:56PM. The Judge had been overbooked! And he wouldn’t even able to do our wedding!! No appointments available before our marriage certificate expired. Thank you.

It was the end of the business week before we were finished with our conversation. I could call no official until Monday, and that might be too late. So I began to try every minister, high priest, high priestess, pastor and anyone I had an email address for in the closest three counties. Most, as I had assumed, needed more notice. One had asked if we could drive forty miles to their Sabbat that same night, where they would love to do so, with less than an hour to get there-we passed, but I would have loved to!

Ben had been calling people with the same fervor, and emailing his professors (who are well known to be better connected than college students!) and lo and behold-one of his professors was ordained! Was he free on Friday the 9th? Yes! Would he be willing to do so? Yes! Perfect!

It wasa sunny Friday, the flowers were all blooming in the trees and it seemed like the perfect day for happiness. My parents and siblings, Ben’s dad, Ben’s best friend (and his parents) and a couple lost stragglers came to the classroom. My dad stopped off and bought pizza for everybody before we got there. In walked the professor, complete with a stole and robes, a brief case, and a guitar case. I’d never had Dr. Emens, but he seemed a nice enough fellow, and he was certainly doing us a kindness.

We had a traditional wedding, complete with prayers, vows that were based in a religion I had left, and the exchanging of rings. Then, at the very end, Dr. Evens sat down and asked if he could play a song for us. He chose “Good Riddance (Time of Our Lives)” by Green Day. We paid him, signed the things we needed to and then headed to our honeymoon-weekend (where we watched three seasons of Game of Thrones and the owner of the place we stayed picked wild flowers-which I dried (because they were my wedding bouquet).

It may not have been traditional, it may not have been the big and fancy wedding that everyone always thinks about, but it was unique, it was prophetic and it was the start of a wonderful marriage. And it was all completed at 4:30PM Friday, May 9, 2014.

Now, two years later, it is rainy (which I love!) and I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my huge cup of coffee, thinking about that day. I remember that I sat there thinking that I wasn’t nervous at all, that I knew I was making the decision that I’d made in my head a long time before.

There are some things you didn’t get with that version of the story.

I was 21 (and had been so for 5 months exactly). Ben was 20 (and had been so for a week under 5 months). I was asked within five minutes of getting married if I was going to have kids/when I was going to have kids/if I was already pregnant. 

Ben told my dad (and I later adopted the same reasoning for the people who asked why we got married so young:

I didn’t want to start our lives separately and have to make room for the other person. I want to start from absolutely nothing more than love and build a life together. I want to start out together poor and watch as our riches grow.

I’d always told people that when you know you love someone, you shouldn’t feel like age should stop you from spending your life together.

I chose to hyphenate my name because at the time I thought I wanted to go into academics and that way, if I published any papers, you’d know without a doubt it was me. I may not be directly going into academia, but I don’t regret splitting my name. Because it gives me an identity all my own. I use either name as I please, both for formal occasions and I am content.

So happy anniversary, my love. It’s been an interesting, epic, bizarrely perfect two years and I look forward to collecting more with you.

Big Bluish Black Thing

Today’s title is brought to you by The Lion King.


I wanted to step away from the somber news and do something a little more “fun”. I wanted to do a post on something that hasn’t happened in almost a decade: crazy planetary retrogrades. Now I know, it’s definitely not what a lot of people call science-or even believe in, but I do. And I think that if you are to understand a person, perhaps you should look at them as a whole, not just what they want you to see.

When I was little, my parents bought me a telescope and that changed the course of my life possibly forever. It wasn’t a high powered one, but it had little extensions and a star chart, as well as a tripod and two different magnification dials. I spent whole summer’s gazing at stars, watching comets and shooting stars and trying to “figure it all out”. I learned how to locate constellations, their names, their stories. And that is something that has stayed with me. I deeply enjoy the stars. They are where we all come from, after all. So it should really have come at no surprise when I started reading star charts and astrology maps and learned about the effect planetary motion could have on our behavior. And that is what I want to share with you today.


First, we need a couple definitions. Like retrograde, house, rulers, you know-the usual.

Retrograde: Having a rotational or orbital movement that is opposite to the movement of most bodies within a celestial system. In the solar system, retrograde bodies are those that rotate or orbit in a clockwise direction (east to west) when viewed from a vantage point above the Earth’s north pole. (Basically, when a planet appears to be moving backwards).

House: this are the 12 horoscope categories (I was born in December and am a Sagittarius)

Planetary rulers: planets assigned to the houses (Sagittarius is Jupiter)
Okay. So what was I talking about when I said a decade had passed? Well, turns out that there are a TON of planets in retrograde (appearing to move backwards) this month. And they have been messing with people’s lives, in specific ways.

The planets which are in retrograde this month are: Mercury (4/28-5/22), Mars (4/17-6/29), Jupiter (1/7-5/9), Saturn (3/25-8/13), and Pluto (4/18-9/26). (I grew up in the 90s-Pluto will ALWAYS be a planet. Period.) 

Each planet is in “control” of a house- Mercury (Virgo), Mars (Aries), Jupiter (Sagittarius), Saturn (Capricorn) and Pluto (Scorpio). This will either be a horoscope thing, or it is a behavior thing. Here’s the difference: As a Jupiter ruled Sagittarius, I generally have a fiery personality and am exceptionally loyal. As a general behavior, Jupiter is in charge of growth and expansion of a person. For retrogrades, we look at the behavior-not the signs per se (although, I’ll explain why you would look at the signs in a moment).

The behaviors that these specific planets are associated with are:

Mercury: communication, technology

Mars: actions, progress

Jupiter: unconscious knowledge, sense of self

Saturn: understanding, knowledge

Pluto: emotions, unpredictablity

When a planet is in retrograde, these facets of our lives are pulled more heavily into question-you may feel like you are fighting more because of communication issues, feel unsure about decisions made previously, rethink your education or life choices or just have spurts of emotions that comes out of nowhere. I said I’d explain how an astrological sign might come into play, and it fits in here.

A Sagittarius is a fire sign-which means (for better or worse) philosophizing and passionate. This (for me) means that I pour my heart into whatever task I decide on. When Mercury goes retrograde, I feel that the world is against me, that I have to fight everything just to get my proper options. And I usually have all manner of technology issues. When Jupiter (the planet that rules Sagittarius) goes in retrograde, I challenge everything about myself. Am I doing things properly, did I make the right choices in my life, am I headed inthe right direction? And with ALL of these planets in retrograde, I have not stopped questioning-I have debates about everything about my life. And that may be just timing, sure, but I think that it’s also because of the universe.

I do not think that retrograding is a punishment. It may feel like it, sure, but it’s actually a great life lesson. Sometimes you need to get a reevaluation in life, just to make sure you’re on the right track. And that’s great. Sometimes-in our current day and age-you need to disconnect from the normal hum drum of life and be forced to come to terms with your life, with your decisions. And I think that is a marvelously challenging thing. And while it may be uncomfortable, discouraging and painful, it is the most important, useful thing that may happen to a person. 

Here’s a screenshot of a quick Google search for more information:

It Got To Me.

I’ve got a blog scheduled for tomorrow (first time I’ve scheduled one!) that goes into detail about what I will speak on tonight. Tonight I am blogging as a mental purge. As usual, you can ignore it, or you can read it for what it is-me stumbling around, searching for answers. Today, though, I’m going to try something a little different. I present to you:

A Seed

I passed by the garden of the no longer living, their flowers an ashen pillared stone. I hear their whispers call to me, the wind bringing the weepings of those passed on. Regret thickens the air around me, my breath turning to crystals in my chest. A hand reaches out for me, the keeper of the gate claims I have no right to pass through. “Please,” I whisper, “I have already died while I lived. The feelings claimed me, the bondage of my emotions pulled me through the depths and I ceased to be years ago.” He eyed me wearily and nodded, his expression relaxing.

“It is so for many.” He sighed, the sweet tobacco smoke caressing my cheek. My path opened and I could see a single plot of earth undisturbed. My feet glided, the pain in my heart weighing down my steps, until I could barely move them. I reached my reservation, the tension in my body forcing my gaze skyward. I lifted my hands higher, the heavens leaning into my touch. I felt the sorrows of the years form rivulets on my cheeks, washing away the body I had outgrown so many years ago.

“Why?” My heart roared. “Why was I alone for so long? Lost in the ocean, I perished amongst the apathetic and the unconcerned. My blood was spilled for far too long, the agony never being relieved.” The sky above my split, lifting my chin as high as it would go.

“You had to enter oblivion to be made new.”The rumblings of sadness reached my ears just before the cleansing rain. With the last of my awareness, I watched the scars on my wrist become barky ridges. I closed my eyes at last, the sweet peace overcoming me as I’d begged it to for years.

What I had hoped for in death was given to me in life. The world which sought to bury me alive didn’t know that it was that very thing required to bring about the greatest transformation.

tree woman.jpg

(Image Credit: Willow, at Wallpaper Up)

The story came before I found the photo.

Angels on the Moon

I shared, a while ago, about how there were some quotes that really spoke for me, almost. As though those words embodied all the thoughts I had about a particular subject. And although I know that there is need elsewhere, I need to once more, complete a mental purge with some quotes. This time, though, there is only one song, and it’s been the “fight song” of my heart lately, guiding me even when I’d rather sit and “go dark”. I want to bring it up, because it’s more than just that though, it’s my lullaby, my mantra, my shield. And something that powerful has to be worth discussing. I’m copying the lyrics in and then in parentheses, I will add what I “hear” when I listen to them.

Do you dream that the world will know your name? (Do you need validation?)

So tell me your name (You can validate yourself)

Do you care about all the little things (Do you obsess about things?)

or anything at all? (Or drown in apathy?)

I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside (I want to live, without medication)

I wanna feel (I want to breathe freely)

I wanna sunburn, just to know that I’m alive (I want to live a life I’m proud of)

To know I’m alive (A life I can be sure has no regrets)
Don’t tell me if I’m dying (Don’t tell me if I made a mistake)

‘Cause I don’t wanna know (Because I can’t let that get me down)

If I can’t see the sun, maybe I should go (This depression isn’t the only way)

Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming (But neither is mania)

Of angels on the moon (I have to be my own angel)

Where everyone you know (For myself, but also for those I love)

Never leaves too soon (To enjoy my time with them fully)
Do you believe, in the day that you were born (Do you have faith in yourself?)

Tell me do you believe? (In the you of the future)

Do you know, that every day’s the first (Each step you take)

Of the rest of your life? (Is just the beginning of a better adventure)
Don’t tell me if I’m dying (Don’t tell me I’m not worthy)

‘Cause I don’t wanna know (Because I’ll know you’re lying)

If I can’t see the sun (Even if I don’t always believe it)

Maybe I should go (I have to keep trying)

Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming (And I won’t let you steal my sunshine)

Of angels on the moon (Because I’m finding hope in the darkness)

Where everyone you know (My light will shine brighter)

Never leaves too soon. (Each time the wind extinguishes it)
This is to one last day in the shadows (Just get up one more time)

And to know a brother’s love (Find happiness in the world)

This is to New York City angels (Find the path to where you want to be)

And the rivers of our blood (To make your sacrifices worth it)

This is to all of us (Because you’re worth it)

To all of us (I promise)
Don’t tell me if I’m dying (Let me find my own way)

‘Cause I don’t wanna know (Even if it may take me a while)

If I can’t see the sun (I know it can’t always be heartache)

Maybe I should go (But hold my hand when it is)

Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming (I’ve got a heart worth fighting for)

Of angels on the moon (And dreams to be believed in)

Where everyone you know never leaves too soon (And I have to keep them alive, for my sake)
You can tell me all your thoughts (If I speak, someone will listen)

About the stars that fill polluted skies (Because I’m worthy of validation)

And show me where you run to (Embrace your biggest secrets)

When no one’s left to take your side (You are your biggest ally)

But don’t tell me where the road ends (Don’t wait for all the bad things)

‘Cause I just don’t wanna know (They will come, that’s true)

No I don’t wanna know (But you’ll make it through, each time)
Don’t tell me if I’m dying (Keep looking for the sunshine)

Don’t tell me if I’m dying (Keep finding reasons to love yourself first)

 

So a big huge thank you to Thriving Ivory, because this song is seeing me through so many dark paths and helping me reestablish the love I have for myself.

angel

(Source: Google)

The Science of You…and Me.

I’ve been trying to get acclimated to the new semester, and I think it’s okay to take a break from constantly ranting and raving. Today, I want to speak honestly about life. But the stuff that weighs on my heart is the issue of self-identification.

In one of my classes this semester, we’re discussing classifications of organisms (as a prequel to the rest of the material) and the question was asked: Why do we classify things? The answer was: to order a chaotic world. I think that for the most part, that’s pretty true. But I think we, as human beings, also want to belong. We have a sense of longing to be part of something greater than just our own individuality. And maybe that seems a little naive, but maybe it isn’t.

  

I think I’ve mentioned this a couple times throughout the life of my blog, about where do I as an individual fit in to life’s big puzzle. But I invite you all to also think about it. How do you identify yourself? Is it just through your name? Your preferences? Your associations? What about who you are as a single individual, without regard to someone or something else? How would your identification change? It’s no difficult task to put yourself in a category. It’s an entirely other matter to design the category that you alone fit in.

Allow me to demonstrate. I am a pretty much run-of-the-mill midwestern woman. I tie my hair up in ponytails, I drink coffee, I know how to shovel snow, care for sick animals and even how to field dress carcasses (I really don’t enjoy it though, but if the great earth mother gives unto us, it is disrespectful to waste that gift. And I try not to partake either.). I am a wife, a cat-loving-dog-owner (he’s my little cat-dog), a sister, a daughter, a student, an employee and a coworker, a friend, a dreamer, and I’d say most definitely an extroverted introvert (yea, I know. It gives me problems too.). But take away anything that has to do with someone else (so-daughter, wife, sister, worker, etc) and take away the references to religion, geography, capabilities and preferences. What is left?

I call that “left” stuff the essence of me. But I don’t really know what it is. Is it emotion? Because I have quite a bit of that. Is it personality? I think I have a decent amount of that too. Is it what I am made of? Atoms, cells, blood, skin, organs, memories? I mean, I suppose that would have to be included. So what am I that no one else is? I am me and you are you. And I couldn’t be you if I tried, but I wouldn’t want you to be me either.

I know, you were all expecting for the meaning of life. And I shan’t disappoint! Because each and everything that I have said is both true and false. And I hope you’ve stuck around long enough to see why.

In the very beginning of time, before history, before science, before everything we know, there were stars. And these stars grew until they could grow no more, exploding when they reached their peak. When these stars explode, they create a bunch of atoms, in the order of the periodic table. First Hydrogen, then Helium, then Lithium, Beryllium, and so on and so forth until at least Iron (which is the 26th element). Each atom mixes with the others, out in space, combining and pulling apart. Now why am I telling you this?

  

There is a law in science called the Conservation of Energy. Now, in science, a law means that hundreds, if not thousands of test have been done and for all intents and purposes, the law is a scientific fact. This is why no one disputes gravity-even though you can’t see it directly. Anyway, the Conservation of Energy can be simplified down to the following: no energy can be created or destroyed in a system. There is also the law of the Conservation of Mass. This also is simplified down to: no mass (the stuff everything is made of) can be created or destroyed in a system. So what does that have to do with anything?

Well, we know that a human is made up of a lot of water, but what else? If you look at the most common elements that a body is made up of you get: Oxygen, Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen, Calcium, Phosphorous, Potassium, Sulfur, Sodium, Chlorine and Magnesium. Now if you look at a Periodic Table of Elements, you’ll see that those elements are numbered: 8, 6, 1, 7, 20, 15, 19, 16, 11, 17 and 12. Iron, as I said is 26, which means that all of the elements that make up most of us come before Iron. That further means that the stars that exploded made the elements I have listed here.

  

If I haven’t lost you yet, I’m very glad! Because the laws I mentioned, they come into play here. Since absolutely nothing can be made or destroyed, the atoms (which make up the mass of everything) which make up you and I came from the explosions of the stars. So here’s the deal. We are all made up of the little tiny particles which first originated in stars. So when you hear people say “We are stardust”, believe them. Because although this information is all paraphrased from other sources, it remains true. And just incase you wanted to know more about the meaning of life, let me explain death.

Before I really go on, let me tell you a story (you know that’s my thing!). I once went to a funeral of a family member and sat in the back, just observing. I watched the widow sit in the front row, the handkerchief crumpled in her hands, her eyes puffy and red from crying. But what I had not expected to happen, was the moment I caught her eye. I looked away immediately, not out of shame, but out of the understanding that I could not bear the weight of her pain. It would have been far easier if her eyes had been dead, the windows to a soul lost to the oblivion. But they weren’t. They were the windows to summer basketball sessions between her late husband and her kids, the early mornings when snow would lightly fall and she would watch him sleep. They were the windows to a thousand more “I love you’s” which would fall on deaf ears and the echoes of petty fights that would haunt her recollection for years to come. And at the funeral of a childhood friend, I remember looking at his body, thinking about how many times that might have been me, how even in death, he didn’t seem so happy, but maybe that’s because his body was pumped full of gallons worth of chemicals and the makeup could not hide the way his neck curved ever so violently, the ghost of a rope ever so snug around the collar of his dress jacket.

  

If no matter and no energy can be lost or created, what happens at death? Quite obviously, there is still mass. You have a body almost always, a quiet shell of a person lying still. But a person while living maintains the energy of thought, of breath, of circulation. And once ceased, that energy cannot be destroyed. The body heat rises into the atmosphere, reuniting with the clouds, the rain and the air. The breath that once ran through them now runs though the atmosphere. The memories which gave fuel to their every move, their every sense of self, they belong now to the people who need them most, to those with whom they were shared before. And I think that is a lovely thing. We are both part of the universe and made up of it. We cannot be created from nothing and we cannot disappear to nothing. The life of each and every one of us was determined by the star explosion, the energy and life of others, the ability to continue on. And that’s why it’s entirely okay if you could not define yourself as just yourself before. Because in all honesty, you really can’t be you without others. But it’s okay. Because the others couldn’t be themselves without you either.

  

I wish to be a duck

I had this thought on the way to work today and I tried to reason it out. I could not, were I a water fowl, live in safety. There are humans who bring their guns to kill me, there are animals who bring their teeth and claws for the sole purpose to eat me or my children, there are humans who fill my home with waste and sewage, making it impossible for me to live a healthy life.

But.

There is a layer of fat, which causes me to be warm. There are always other birds with which to herald out the news. There are feathers, which would, at a moment’s notice, carry me off to anywhere I please, without so much as a thought about money, security or planning. There is no lack of colors with which I am covered, some changing hue in the irridescence of the sun. There are ponds, like the one at which I currently perch, that I may bathe freely. There are trees to shelter me, to feed me. 

I could be free.

  
But then my thoughts return to the present, and I am caught with two legs and a heart filled with hope. I would give it all up, everything I hold dear, to free my heart, to free myself from these constraints of gravity. I would soar above the clouds and straight into bliss, for that is where I truly belong, not stuck here with my shoes in the earth, smelling the decay of the leaves and whispering to the squirrels that come to me for sustinance. But here I am, smiling as they sing the song of my people, trumpeting like downy angels. One day, my fellow travelers, I shall join you in the sky. But until then, perhaps I will find contentment in just breathing the same air.

I’m not suffering from delusions, but as Alice herself once said, “I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Truly though, would it not be fantastic to be a thing with cares so few and the power of wings?

In other news, I would also like to be a mermaid, but I seem to lack fins and that rant is for another day to come.

Critique Piece, Chapter 9

Hello all, I need some critiques on this passage. It’s for my NaNoWriMo novel. In the scene, I am killing off a secondary villain as well as my protagonist. Any thoughts you have would be lovely and appreciated. Sorry about the formatting, I can’t seem to get it the way I want it, so it’s just the way it is.
He held her by the jaw, his hands surprisingly warm, as the knife tenderly kissed her cheek. She screamed once more , the gag preventing her full volume but she’d really just wanted him to stop at any rate. He kept going, pressing the blade into the softest part of her face. It felt like white hot acid were being drawn across her cheek, the warmth of her blood flowing into the fabric securing her mouth and collecting. There was nothing she could do but scream, and yet it did nothing. Each swipe of his hand tore more of her humanity away than it did skin and Katerina was replaced with a trapped animal, fighting desperately for her right to live.
Tears pooled in her eyes, those which escaped mixing with the blood and just when she thought it could get no worse, he stopped. The pocket from which his knife came held one other metallic item which he traded the knife for. He opened the little mirror and showed her what he had done. She could just barely make out the two humps at the top and from the way his sickening grin was plastered over his pale face, she could only assume that the rest of the injury was a heart. He seemed like the sort of twisted person who would delight in the sick satisfaction of making his mark on all he came across. It seemed much smaller than it had felt, and she supposed she had the gag to thank.Her eyes moved to the other individual and as her worst nightmares came alive, her eyes gushed once more. The man from her dreams rocked back on his heels, noticing the direction her eyes had ventured. “Yes. It’s him. Would you like to say hello?”

Josh stumbled forward and caught sight of Katerina. Recognition didn’t cross his drunken face, but something else did.She’d seen it briefly the night she’d left the house in the care of Natalia and Ianna. 

“Shall I put her out of her misery, Alexander?” Josh’s voice slurred the words together, but they were unmistakable. Alexander, the man from her dream, looked back at him and moved out of the direct line. He took a moment in his move to pull down Katerina’s gag. He motioned for her to make her plea. She took a deep breath, steadied her nerves as best she could and watched Alexander remove himself from between them.

“I will not beg for my life from this pig. From either of you. Just do it.” Her cheek squelched with the injury, the pain from which screamed at her to stop. “I want to know why.” She swallowed the fluid in her mouth, the bitterness of bile, rusty pennies and saliva causing her to force it all down.

“You don’t even know who you are do you?” Alexander chuckled. “You’re the most crucial part of this plan and you haven’t even got an idea why. It’s a shame about all that, really. But someone should have told you before now. This is a task far more important than you.” His attention turned to Josh. “You will take the gun in your hand and you will use it on your useless self. Now.”

Josh’s face went blank, as though he felt nothing, knew nothing. He pulled a black object from his waistband and without hesitation put it to his head and pulled the trigger. He dropped to the ground and was no more. Katerina, although incredibly glad she would never be accosted by this man from her past again, found herself unable to do anything more than stare at the large hole where his head had been intact just moments before. He was bleeding out all over the dead leaves and she couldn’t find a reason to be sad about it. Alexander walked over and picked up the gun, waving it around.

“Now. It looks like we have business to discuss in private, then. You were born into a warring faction, you are the last living, direct descendent of the purest line of monarchs.” He waited for understanding to cross her face, but when it didn’t, he let out an exasperated sigh. “I can’t explain our entire history! You really should have pushed harder with those lunars to tell you about who you were, who your parents were. But you won’t have the chance now, I suppose. Really too bad about it, but I guess that’s the way destiny is sometimes. Anyway, the whole thing boils down to you have to die so that we can survive. As I said, nothing personal.” Alexander raised the gun to her chest, and offered one last time. “Any last words?”

“I hope you’re happy with yourself.” She began slowly. “Because in the end, I’ll be there, waiting for you when you least expect it.”

“I’m sorry, my dear, but I’m afraid you’ll already be dead.” The sound of the bullet never really registered with Katerina, as she closed her eyes, shock already taking over. There was a gurgle of blood before her body went limp. The bullet had gone straight into her heart. Alexander was pleased with his handiwork. He cut the bonds away, wanting the chance to gloat over her dead body. “Now I have the power. And you are just a casualty of war. You weren’t worthy of all that could have been yours anyway.” Alexander backed away and disappeared into the darkness.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like A Novel

I’ve been hard at work on my NaNoNovel and there are some really amazing things which have occured. 

First, I’ve crossed the 16k word mark (32% done with NaNoWriMo 2015)

Second, I have a working title: The Queen of Souls.

Third, what started out as a YA Fantasy has now evolved into a ParaRom (something I NEVER expected)

And in honor of all that, for you week 2 spoiler, I have a working synopsis. It may change, but I’m confident that the main bits will remain (however, within 9 days I switched genres, so who knows where we will be by the end!)

Katerina Alkaevna has suffered through everything: losing her family to a fire as a child, an abusive boyfriend and being kidnapped. The only thing she’s never had a chance to do is fall in love. Upon meeting a tall, dark and steamy barista in her local town, she realizes that love might actually be the worst thing to ever happen to her-and that’s after she dies.

 Fighting to end a decades long war between the monarchs and the wasps and bring not only herself, but also her lover back from the dead, Katerina must embrace her destiny or lose everything she’s worked for. A crime of passion put her in this position and it will take nothing less to get her untangled from the threads of fate.

Chapter 5

So today, I’ve been madly noveling, and although I am glad to have a break from homework, it’s interesting that I never really escape it. Today’s thankfulness comes from being 1/6 of the way to where I was before. But the thing is, I’m writing an entirely new book, and so I think I’m really only about a tenth of the way there, which is even more exciting to me. Anyway, what I’m truly thankful for is inspiration. For me, it comes from life, coffee and great playlists. I think that’s really great, and there’s something quite amazing about taking a blank page, a nothing, and creating an idea, a something. So, in honor of that, I’m going to offer a small segment of my WIP (work in progress) and go back to work. I chose this because it’s one of those scenes I can’t descide how to rework. [This is part of Chapter FIVE, the main character Kat is reading from an old book called The Love of the Queen of Souls. It’s the scene I just finished, and it’s easily the flimsiest but it serves a purpose and well, PLOT TWIST.]

           There was once a summer princess who longed for the chill kiss of winter. She craved the balance and poetry of the cold and the warmth. Her heart was met each day by the warmth of the sun and she could take it no longer. On the evening of her twenty seventh year, she ran from her life and met a stranger in the woods. He was just the frost she’d waited for and she invited him to accompany her to back to her home and immediately fell in love with him.

           They were forbidden to be together, but the summer princess could not forbid her heart from feeling and she secretly married the stranger in the woods. They were very happy, each completing the other in ways they had never known before. They were warned about growing hostilities because of their love, but the summer princess had more news: she was with child. Still, their union did not make everyone happy and the forces of summer and winter, ever at odds, went to war.

           By the time the princess gave birth to not one child, but a pair of twins, the winter and summer courts were rapidly running through their supplies and soldiers and a truce could not be found. The summer princess and her stranger in the woods were betrayed by a most beloved friend and were forced to give up their children, a son and a daughter, in order to spare their lives. As the children were taken away, the summer princess sacrificed her life so that her children would have a chance. A great fire was set to their home and trapped within, the stranger in the woods and the summer princess became spirits, collecting the souls of the winter and summer folk who could not pass on. In a final act of desperation, the summer princess offered the sky people, who ruled the earth and all those within, her life forever in exchange for her babies, that they might be free.

           But the sky people were a vengeful sort, and did not suffer the summer princess lightly, as they blamed her for disrupting the harmony they had created. A curse was placed on her daughter, that she might never find happiness until the war between summer and winter was over. Her son was not cursed, but was stripped of his memories and destined to return to the winter, who would betray him. One of the sky people, a young mother herself, took pity on the children, knowing that all that had happened was because of love, and they were the product of good intentions. She knew that the curse of the daughter and the fate of the son would be what came to pass, but in the event that they found each other, a great alliance would be formed, one that would cause peace to regain control.

           For their unwillingness to compromise, both the summer and winter were forced to live out their lives and fight their wars amongst the humans. They would never be allowed to return to the sky people and their homes, nor could they pass on to the land of souls until the princess and prince are reunited and the war is ended.

           
Katerina came to the end of the story and looked up. Natalia’s eyes were glassy with tears and she couldn’t look at Kat. At the end of the story was a page that looked like it had been added in, but Katerina couldn’t read it. It was in some sort of loopy lettering in some language that she’d never seen. 

Thankfulness, Day Seven

Today’s message isn’t an abstract, it is very much a real thing, which I use to get me through the day.

Today’s the day about coffee. 

  
My dad drinks (no kidding) almost two pots of coffee each and every day. I don’t try to compete with that, but coffee is a VERY large portion of my day. I usually drink a half a pot, but somedays just suck a little more and so my intake goes up. Coffee is the way I get through my twenties, as I got through my time in high school.

All kinds, thanks for asking. I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I’m comfortable taking my coffee black, but we’re almost there. If I’m making it myself, I have a drip machine and I brew anything from french to black silk to blonde. Then I add in some creamer and give it a stir. (I usually have 3 bottles of creamer in my fridge-all the big ones so I can have options). And if I’m going out, I’ll try something new each time. Going out doesn’t happen very often, so I try ot not over splurge, but you know it happens. I’m a Starbucks gold member (and have been since college started) but I really wish they would reform their standards about ethical consumption of products (A rant for another day). I almost tried the Tim Horton’s Pumpkin Spice Frappaccino, but the drizzle looked like chicken poop on top (I owned chickens-I would know) and I got grossed out. And at any rate, the coffee is so weak compared to how I drink mine, that the only reason I stop there is for baked goods. I deeply enjoy coffee houses.

Waking up is hard. My bed is comfortable, I enjoy sleep thoroughly. Pulling the sleepies from my eyes and yawning and stretching are all part of the daily routine. I pull my hair into a hair tie, watch the bits that aren’t long enough fall back down. And if it’s days like today, I stroll out to the kitchen and turn on my pot. While I wait, I gather my cup (which is actually a soup bowl with a handle (It’s decorated with little coffees, so it counts) and wgo back to my room to change into day clothes. By that time, coffee is mostly ready for a cup and so I pour the deep black goodness in and decide on a creamer. I love watching the little cloud of creamer turn the coffee colors. It’s what I know the coffee will do to me soon enough. I put my stir spoon on the sink, so I can come back for it and raise the cup to my lips and blow.The steam wafts over me, carrying the smell of my creamer (chocolate caramel lately). One sip and my eyes close in delight. Two sips and my brain turns on. By the time my coffee is cool enough to gulp, I’m already getting to work on whatever it is that I need to do today (like this blog, and my nanowrimo novel and the grocery list). One more cup will be savoured throughout the day as I work, maybe two more, and the rest will go in the fridge until I need it on Sunday.

I could write a whole book about how cofffee changes my life from the undead to fully functional member of society. A Zombie-Coffee Love Song.