It Got To Me.

I’ve got a blog scheduled for tomorrow (first time I’ve scheduled one!) that goes into detail about what I will speak on tonight. Tonight I am blogging as a mental purge. As usual, you can ignore it, or you can read it for what it is-me stumbling around, searching for answers.┬áToday, though, I’m going to try something a little different. I present to you:

A Seed

I passed by the garden of the no longer living, their flowers an ashen pillared stone. I hear their whispers call to me, the wind bringing the weepings of those passed on. Regret thickens the air around me, my breath turning to crystals in my chest. A hand reaches out for me, the keeper of the gate claims I have no right to pass through. “Please,” I whisper, “I have already died while I lived. The feelings claimed me, the bondage of my emotions pulled me through the depths and I ceased to be years ago.” He eyed me wearily and nodded, his expression relaxing.

“It is so for many.” He sighed, the sweet tobacco smoke caressing my cheek. My path opened and I could see a single plot of earth undisturbed. My feet glided, the pain in my heart weighing down my steps, until I could barely move them. I reached my reservation, the tension in my body forcing my gaze skyward. I lifted my hands higher, the heavens leaning into my touch. I felt the sorrows of the years form rivulets on my cheeks, washing away the body I had outgrown so many years ago.

“Why?” My heart roared. “Why was I alone for so long? Lost in the ocean, I perished amongst the apathetic and the unconcerned. My blood was spilled for far too long, the agony never being relieved.” The sky above my split, lifting my chin as high as it would go.

“You had to enter oblivion to be made new.”The rumblings of sadness reached my ears just before the cleansing rain. With the last of my awareness, I watched the scars on my wrist become barky ridges. I closed my eyes at last, the sweet peace overcoming me as I’d begged it to for years.

What I had hoped for in death was given to me in life. The world which sought to bury me alive didn’t know that it was that very thing required to bring about the greatest transformation.

tree woman.jpg

(Image Credit: Willow, at Wallpaper Up)

The story came before I found the photo.

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A Change of Pace

Hi all!

As we rapidly approach the beginning of another work/school week, I find myself at a precipice myself. I’ve shared with so many people my love of stories, my deep desire to see women live in a world of gender equality and safety. I have blogged almost exclusively these past few months for women’s rights and issues, made a YouTube video, I even decided that this is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing.

And yet, it hadn’t occurred to me in the beginning that I could do all of that now. I mean, yes, the blogging and the stories and the equality are things I strive for every day, but the thing is, it’s something I assumed that I would need multiple degrees and things to do. Turns out, I was just holding myself back.

I woke up today wondering how I might spend my Sunday. I’ve had a growing hankering to create. Something, anything. I just wanted to really connect with my artistic side, live the changes that I wanted to see, you know? But I couldn’t narrow it down. I spent all day Saturday doing homework and more homework sounded appalling. Did I want to write? Eh. Did I want to sculpt? Eh. Draw? Maybe. And that’s when I laughed. It’s been staring me in the face for ages.

And so, this morning, I Love Me was born. I’ve gotten some wonderful feedback, some really positive and reaffirming stuff, as well as constructive criticisms. And through the fire, we manage to find ourselves looking at a great idea in the making.

I Love Me is a children’s picture book designed to teach body positivity and safety to girls ages 7-12. In this book, there are mentions of loving yourself, how to determine if something is appropriate, and what to do if something does happen that’s inappropriate, as well as being in charge of your own body.

So I knew I started this yesterday, and as you can see I didn’t quite finish it. I was busy reworking the actual “story” part of this project. It now includes a little more and I changed some things around. I absolutely love it more. You see, I’ve talked to mothers and professors and psychology degrees and social workers and we all seem to have reached the same consensus: children need to know more about how to protect themselves from dangerous situations, but also how to love themselves. It’s going to take a while for the illustrations, but I cannot wait to share this journey with you all!