Book Bloggers Needed

book blogger

Hi there everyone.

I’ve been helping an author by the name of Rachel Gold (see the blog I did about one of her books here) with some marketing and I have a favor to ask. Here’s the back work to her newest book, Nico & Tucker:

The decision can’t be put off any longer.
A medical crisis turns Nico’s body into a battleground, crushing Nico under conflicting family pressures. Having lived genderqueer for years, Nico is used to getting strong reactions (and uninvited opinions!) from everyone, but it is Tucker’s reaction that hurts the most.
Jess Tucker didn’t mean to hurt Nico, but she panicked.
And after the worst year of her life, she’s hanging on by a thread. Forget recovery time and therapy, she needs to put the past behind her and be normal again. But when her relationship with Nico becomes more than she can handle, she cuts and runs.
In this riveting sequel to Just Girls, comes a love story about bodies, healing, and knowing who you really are.

If you’d be interested in reading an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) in exchange for a review on your blog, on Amazon, on GoodReads-please let me know. We’d be more than happy to work with you, because book bloggers are our friends ❤

That being said, if there is anyone who isn’t necessarily a book blogger who would also like in on this deal-an ARC in exchange for a review, feel free to also let me know!

I’ve personally read all of Rachel’s books, and as someone who fits snugly in the LGBT community, I have to say, I’m delighted each time I read one. This new book, Nico & Tucker pulls both of my favorite characters and is moving, riveting and all around perfect.

For those of you who maybe don’t know what an ARC is, they’re quite collectible. These are the copies of the books which are released in limited edition, before anyone else can get their hands on one. These are the earliest possible editions of the book that a reader might get their hands on without working for the author or book industry.

Right now, the world is struggling to find acceptance for individuals of the LGBT community. Rachel Gold’s books cover a wide variety of topics including coming out to religious family as a transgender individual (in high school no less!), what happens as trans individuals transition, mental illness in the LGBT community, what happens to a lesbian girl when her partner is abusive and more. These hard hitting issues are dealt with in a respectful, realistic manner and are things that people should be aware of.

And in the event that you’d like to check out her earlier work (I highly recommend it), you can find her books on Amazon at the following links.

Being Emily (Her first book, really emotional, packed with really memorable characters)

Just Girls (Quick read, really excellent)

My Year Zero (My personal favorite, so far!)

Nico & Tucker (Comes out May 16)

Find out more about Rachel Gold by going to her website:
Rachel Gold Books

Dear Melania Trump

You do not know me, but I know you. You are one of the women which millions now look to for a standard of living. They look to you with expectant eyes, watching each move you make. You hold a position which so many women will never hold as their own and with that privilege comes responsibilities. 

Your platform as First Lady, as you have said, is to deal with the issues of cyber bullying. I applaud you for this. Cyber bullying is something which is recent, but a pandemic nonetheless. I have some ideas which may help you in this endeavor, as someone who has been one the receiving end, but has also had friends who know what it is like.

Cyber bullying is an issue for teens across the country, and the world. It affects teens and young adults, girls more than boys and at nearly 1/3 people affected, is an urgent matter. But this also includes people of color and LGBT+ youth. I know that your husband’s cabinet would rather see to it that LGBT+ youth are not present in this-or any-discussion, but they are a vital part.

You see, as you became First Lady, you took on the responsibility to help the country you now serve. That means the whole country-whether they look like you or not, whether they love like you or not. I hope you understand the gravity of the power of the office you now hold.

The people of the country may be under the leadership of your husband, but ultimately our wellbeing lies with you.

Please, do not let us down.

Sincerely,

Michelle BB

FADA (And why it matters)

Apart from the “Luke, I am your fada” jokes, there’s nothing funny about House Bill 2802 (also known as FADA). This bill is titled the First Amendment Defense Act. And in order to figure out what it’s talking about, we need to do a little background investigation.

The First Amendment: Seems we hear a lot about this one, even though it’s not usually quoted. This is your run of the mill Constitutional Rights Amendment, and I’m going to quote it. We need to be able to work from the original to boil it down for use today. I’m adding in the numbers to help us break it down later.

“Congress shall make (1)no law respecting an establishment of religion, or (2)prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or (3)abridging the freedom of speech, or (4)of the press; or (5)the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and (6)to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

That’s a big one, no? My teachers would have penalized me for a run-on if I’d come in with something like that, but I digress. Numbers 1 and 2 are at the heart of HR 2802, but the others are important. Freedom of speech has had a lot of issues lately with interpretation. And I know I struggle with it too. Because I don’t believe people should be allowed to believe that other people are inferior on the basis of their skin color, nationality or sexual orientation. I think that’s racist and sexist amongst other things and that’s not okay. But just as someone cannot force me to believe that racism is okay, I can’t force people to believe that it’s not. I can attempt to persuade, but it is their right to believe so. (Not to act on it though, because hate crimes=jail times!) Freedom of press has been up for debate as well, with “leaks” and “false news” and propoganda and a dictator-elect (see-that’s freedom of speech) who has mentioned he’d shut down some presses for being mean to him (that is infringement of number 4). Assembly is debated heavily from BLM (Black Lives Matter) to Women’s Rights to Not My President. One exceptionally racist, ignorant individual can be seen ranting about protesting on her show. (I’m of course talking about Tomi Lahren.) And number 6? Well, I like number 6. I engage in it all the time. I petitioned for NoDAPL, I petitioned for my rights as a woman, I petitioned for recounts. I petition for lots of stuff-and the first one I did was in 6th grade against spirit bands (ask me about that-I have some wild stories).

So 1 and 2. No government control of religion and no stopping someone from being religious the way they choose. Sounds solid enough to me. So why do we have FADA?

The first line of the bill says “To prevent discriminatory treatment of any person on the basis of views held with respect to marriage.”

Oh.

Does this bring up memories of a court clerk who went to jail for not doing her job and handing out marriage licenses? Because it should. Quickly, Kim Davis refused a gay couple a marriage license saying she was acting under “God’s authority”. She went to jail, was told to just do her job, and of course didn’t. We have the Marriage Equality Act which states: Marriage is defined as a legal union between two people as spouses.

So let’s look at HR2802. The First Section is just the “short title” which is what I told you in my first paragraph.

The second section is the “Findings”. Now, I can’t imagine everyone who reads my blog is going to  want to read the document (even though it’s only 7 pages with large font). If you’d like to click HERE. I linked straight to the .pdf so there’s that. Anyway. The findings section is pretty generic. It talks about marriage equality and religious liberty are sometimes at odds, the President knew it would be something that needed worked out. The Solicitor General discussed tax status for religious schools needing to be addressed. Paragraph 4 talks about the government needing to remain neutral when it came to religious rights, not picking one over others. Paragraph 5 talks about protecting religious rights will lead to tolerance and contribute to peace.

Hold on.

I have 2 problems so far, and we’re on page 3. First: who are these “leading legal scholars”? You don’t give me names, you don’t give me universities or institutions or positions. You’re not telling me who weighed in. For all I know, it could have been the most anti-LGBT, anti-human rights community of lawyers (*cough* Alliance Defending Freedom *cough*). And what does it take to be a leading legal scholar? I read loads of cases, do these breakdowns. If I call myself a leading legal scholar, can I start weighing in? Until names get released and the public can do internet background checks, I remain unconvinced of the legitimacy of this already.

My second problem is found in paragraph 5. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t like for it to be true. Because I would. But we have religious freedom right now. I can freely be pagan all the live long day and no one can stop me. I could convert to Judaism tomorrow and no one could stop me. And do you know what I see? I see groups like Westboro taking that liberty to the extreme. I see the KKK abusing that liberty. I see hate spewed from religious groups to religious groups just the same as I see acceptance (although I have to dig harder for news stories about acceptance). The thing is, religious freedom doesn’t mean the same to everyone. Religious freedom, to me for example, means that I don’t have to be afraid to wear my religious jewelry outside, or go to a pagan supply shop and not get harassed. Religious freedom for other people means something along the lines of “adhere to my religious beliefs without making me uncomfortable”. My high school set out on a foolish endeavor to sue the Department of Education because they wouldn’t let a little girl use the restroom simply because her Ohio birth certificate still said “male” (you can’t change it in Ohio if you’re a trans person). They lost that case, with the judge telling them to let her be the “little girl she is”. I can’t tell you the amount of people who flipped out, saying she was a pedophile and feared for their children’s safety. That little girl by the way, is in elementary school. Third grade, I think. 

Section 3a. No (discriminatory) action will be taken against someone who is acting according to their religious beliefs.

Section 3b. Discriminatory is defined as: altering tax treatment, not allow tax deductions to charities, withholding government money and grants, withhold government benefits, otherwise discriminate (that’s what it says).

Section 3c. You can’t be denied a licensure or certification based on your behavior if you are acting in accordance to religious beliefs you hold in respect to marriages or sexual relations that are reserved for marriage. (It says specifically one man, one woman.)

Section 4-A person can assert actual or threatened violation and be awarded compensation, even if the person didn’t seek administrative remedies. 

Section 5-This is meant to be a broad protection, not meaning to conflict with other laws, with the written in section about how if one portion of this bill is deemed unconstitutional, the rest of it will remain intact.

Alrighty. Seven pages later and where are we? Confused? Frustrated? Furious?

As someone who was Christian for half of their life and then pagan the latter half, this worries me. I don’t need to go through my credentials to prove that I’m telling the truth, but as a human being, this worries me. Section 3a is already happening. In Mississippi this past year, a landlord kicked an interracial couple out of their homes because of his religious beliefs. He is quoted to have said : “Oh, it’s a big problem with the members of my church.”  Section 3b means that the Salvation Army can continue to deny help to LGBTQ individuals who need it without facing repercussions. Section 3c means people like Kim Davis can continue to deny marriage licenses-even though it is a federally guaranteed right to all people of legal, consenting age regardless of orientation or gender. Section 4 means even the words I am writing today, can be used to prove I infringed on someone’s religious rights. Section 5 means that if passed, Congress will need to revoke the ENTIRE amendment in order to remove it from doing more harm. Do you know how hard that is? Exceptionally.


So why do I bring this up? I’m a woman (as self-defined) and I married hetero. We’re both white, both American. So is this an issue for me?

It’s an issue for everyone. I’m a member of the LGBTQ community-and marrying hetero did not change that. My husband and I are not self-proclaimed Christians, so we belong to religious minorities by default (even though I’m technically the only religious one of us).

I’m also an ordained minister. I perform weddings, plan weddings (yep, have that certificate too) and I do that for ALL people who want to be married to each other (and are legally allowed to be). Interracial couples? Yep. Interfaith couples? Yep. Same-sex couples? Yep. No sex couples? Yep. No faith couples? Yep. I think you get the picture. 

Look, I know I’m not the representative for anyone more than myself. I get it. But as someone who is trying to make a life in the world, as someone who is trying to make sure that people feel safe being themselves, who have rights and equality, I’m just asking for other people to look beyond their insecurities, their biases, their stubbornness and try to see the life of someone else. Try to imagine (or ask them!) what it’s like to feel disenfranchised by their own people. And then ask yourself if you’re actually being infringed upon at all. Because you can’t control other people. You can only control yourself. Being kind doesn’t kill anybody and it makes the world suck a little less.

So this is my last blog of the year. I hope you all stay safe for the last day of 2016. I’ll be watching it go out like I watch every year-with the difference being that this new year, I’m preparing for a revolution.

LGBT+ (SAGA) Representation in Norse Mythology

NERD ALERT XD

Hi all! I wrote a term paper (very short-only 5 pages) for my Norse Mythology class, over gender roles and orientation. I focused specifically on a couple instances, but also mainly on intersex/two-spirit representation. I’d loved to have done more with it, but there was a page limit-so it’s all pretty vague. However, I’m going to copy/paste it here because I’d love to spark a conversation. Now, I know, the citation method is vague-we were only allowed to use sources we broke down for the class, so we didn’t need to be ultra specific. Anyway, I thought it might be interesting.

I kept the Scandinavian words, so I thought perhaps a little “translation” would be useful. Some words I used I explain in the paper, so I’ll leave those out.

Njörðr=Njord, Oðin=Odin, Þórr=Thor, jötun=”giants”, Æsir=gods, Vanir=other gods, Skaði=Skadi the “giantess”, Balðr=Baldr/Balder

Gender roles have been prescribed ubiquitously throughout time and space, as a cultural norm. Gender, being the ascribed and associated expectations, previously linked with biological sex, for many cultures remained a bilateral (masculine and feminine) issue. Norse culture is a prime example of this two gender focus, however, within the mythology which predates the Christian conversion, there are also examples of individuals (Njörðr and Loki) who cross the divide and end up somewhere in the middle. These individuals are not necessarily ostracized from their communities, but they are not regarded as favorably either (as opposed to Oðin and Þórr, for example).

Þórr, as an archetypical thunder god (Gylfaginning), displays the masculine qualities of strength, courage and his status as a male in society is reinforced by several choices seen in the mythology. Married to a woman whose name means “kinship” (Hárbarðsljóð), Þórr raises several children and is frequently traveling to contests of strength in the land of the giants (Hárbarðsljóð). When Freyja comes into danger of being taken by the jötun, it is Þórr who is called to save her (Þrymskviða). Although the method used calls into question his masculinity, the actions done to fix the situation-using his hammer to kill the groom (Þrymskviða) remain, on the whole, masculine.

Oðin on the other hand, regularly engages in seiðr, a type of magic reserved for specifically women, and is regarded as a wise, older man (Hárbarðsljóð). When accused of ergi (extreme unmanliness), rather than defending himself, Oðin acknowledges the charges and uses his wit to remove the focus from himself, as shown in Hárbarðsljóð. Oðin is held in high regard wherever he goes, causing havoc and mayhem as he travels to ascertain wisdom (Völuspá). His choices of behavior are, albeit destructive, things which cause his children to claim relationship to him and other people respect the lineage (Þórsdrápa) and use relation to him to gain access to things previously unavailable, such as entry into a house from which he’d previously been banished (Lokasenna).

Njörðr enters Norse mythology as a member of the Vanir, a separate lineage of beings who, post-war, join the Æsir (Skáldskaparmál).Njörðr’s name itself presents the earliest evidence that perhaps he belonged to the select group of individuals who crossed the boundary (liminals) between masculine and feminine-but were not able to escape it. Njörðr seems to have been an individual who, at one point either had a sister or a wife with a similar name (lecture) who was also worshipped-as a mother goddess (Germania). This divided name is seen in Njörðr’s children: Freyja and Freyr as well (Skáldskaparmál). Although there are no records stating the existence of a female version of Njörðr, there is evidence that someone of similar name received cult in a female form (lecture).

Njörðr sustains his role in the mythology as being the hostage in treaty events (Skáldskaparmál). When Skaði, a jötun woman came to avenge her father’s death, she was offered a husband and entertainment (Skáldskaparmál). By visual trickery (having to pick out her intended by looking for his feet), Skaði ended up picking Njörðr (who had nice feet) (Skáldskaparmál). This marriage was not one which mirrored that of Þórr and “Kinship”, but was rather dysfunctional. Half of the year was spent living in Njörðr’s home and the other half was spent living in Skaði’s deceased father’s home (Gylfaginning). This shows the incompatibility and lessened masculinity because this was a patrilocal society (lecture), meaning the married couple would live exclusively with the male half, in his home. Skaði being the mother of Freyja and Freyr is also debatable, as the Vanir were known to practice incestuous relationships (lecture). This further lends the way for a feminine Njörðr.

Njörðr is mentioned one more time in the remains of the mythology. As Loki enters a feast after being thrown out, he insults everyone who takes the time to speak-including Njörðr (Lokasenna). Njörðr is called the “pisspot of giantesses” (Lokasenna). While this act in-and-of itself is not masculine, the interpretation varies as well. Þórr once dams up a giantess who is making a river swell-either by urinating in the river or menstruating in it (Skáldskaparmál). If the giantesses were not urinating so much as menstruating into Njörðr, this would demonstrate something which he cannot do being a man, but also de-masculinizes him by being a receptacle for such.

Loki is often seen as a liminal of gender as well. Loki aids Þórr in saving Freyja, by dressing up as Þórr’s handmaiden (Þrymskviða). As their journey starts out, Loki makes a comment about traveling as women, although he leaves out the subject (giving him a way to remove ergi from Þórr) (lecture). Loki is also clean-shaven, something which would not have happened in that culture at that time, as evidenced by the story of two sons who grew beards when their father could not and were accused of smearing their faces with feces (lecture).

Loki too was married, although his marriage seemed to have been much more functional than Njörðr’s. Loki’s wife, Sigyn, had children by him and was beside him each time he was tied up with a poisonous snake over top of him (Gylfaginning). What is important to mention about Loki, however, is not that his marriage was functional, but that he was capable of birthing children as well-and did so. Loki turned into a mare and became the mother of Sleipnir, the eight-legged horse of Oðin (Hyndluljóð). This pregnancy comes up again when Loki insults the other beings, as Oðin claims Loki spent eight winters milking cows under the earth (Lokasenna). Since milking cows was considered women’s work by that culture, this further illustrates the crossover from masculine to feminine behavior.

Throughout the insults of Loki, those which were returned to him were accusations of ergi (unrivaled unmanliness). It is Oðin that mentions milking cows (Lokasenna) but Njörðr also speaks up, and so does Þórr (Lokasenna). This does not stop Loki from continuing his insults, but forces him to direct his words to the sins of the others, such as Þórr hiding in a glove from a giant (Lokasenna). The names used to refer to Loki by others include “womanish god”, “unmanly one” and names which are directly linked to his children, such as “wolf’s father” (Lokasenna). This is in sharp contrast with Þórr, who self-refers by his kinship ties (Hárbarðsljóð) and is not thought of an unmanly in the slightest.

In the marriage arrangement of Skaði and Njörðr, Loki is part of the arrangement. Skaði, in exchange for blood vengeance, is promised a husband (making her part of the Æsir potentially) and entertainment (Skáldskaparmál). Although Njörðr supplies the husband aspect, it is up to Loki to fill in the rest. Loki ties his testicles to the beard of a nanny goat and they have a tug-of-war until Loki falls over (Skáldskaparmál). This story is important when the goat is examined. A nanny goat is a female goat, but it possesses two very male traits: a beard and horns (lecture). The act of tying a very male part of his anatomy to a male part of a female goat’s anatomy is representative of Loki’s identity. Although male by biology, Loki makes behavioral choices which are not always indicative of his masculinity, up to and including becoming pregnant.

Members of Norse culture would have heard these tales before the conversion, and perhaps even after Snorri recorded them. As a euhemeristic version of a pagan religion, the core group of individuals (Þórr, Oðin, Freyja and the like) were linked to Troy (Gylfaginning) as being the key figures, the ancestral line which led to the Norse peoples and therefore represented the ideal gender roles: men being strong, witty, fit for battle and women being mothers, dealing with cows and marriageable. Although flawed, members of this core group (the Æsir) could “toe the line” between gender roles without suffering socially. Members of outside groups, such as the Vanir-like Njörðr or the jötun-like Loki, were looked at differently from the get go.

Members of the outside groups like the Vanir and the jötun were not seen as equal in the hierarchy of gods, unless they married one of the Æsir. This hierarchy extended further to rank the individuals by how closely they fit the socially acceptable gender roles. Individuals like Njörðr and Loki crossed the boundary in ways which were necessary and beneficial to the entire group and were therefore allowed to do so, but were not able to reach their hierarchical potential-even with blood-brother status.

The usefulness of liminals like Njörðr came down to protecting the “purity” of the Æsir. Njörðr took the place of Balðr in the marriage of Skaði, a jötun. This marriage allowed for the Æsir to avoid bloodshed, but also did not allow a pureblood jötun individual to reach a rank equal to a member of the Æsir. Njörðr also played the role of hostage, a way to get the Æsir-Vanir war to end. His transfer from Vanir to Æsir allowed him to move up in rank from his people, but never allowed him to fully integrate into Æsir status. Loki proved useful in situations which required diplomacy and wit. When Freyja was demanded as a bride (and thereby an attack on the hierarchy) it was Loki who came up with a solution-one which relied on his unmanliness. Loki’s horse-child Sleipnir became the greatest horse, which then belonged to Oðin, increasing the prestige of the Æsir.

While Loki and Njörðr were not specifically described as being gender fluid, intersex (formerly hermaphrodite) or two-spirit, there is evidence to suggest that their behavior was not only an aversion to the gender roles of the time, but useful. Their usefulness was dependent on them being able to use ascribed feminine traits (crossdressing, hairless face, marriageability, and children) to influence masculine behaviors.

****This is what I live for-it’s what I love doing. Seriously. Looking at mythologies and picking out the bits of it which apply to today, which explain how people thought. I could have written so much more about this. Because there is nothing in this great wide world that makes me more intrigued than spirituality and the occult and mythologies. This is my very favorite thing to discuss. Honestly. I can’t stress enough how much I love this.

And as a side note, if anyone is interested, I can absolutely post more things like this, including but not limited to other papers/essays I’ve written. I can also post the “actual” bibliography for this, if anyone would like it as well!

A Book Suggestion

I wanted to do something a little different, a little the same. First though, I am beyond honored to say I’ve crossed the 150 mark for followers and I am so very humbled by you all. Thank you for hearing what I have to say and being around to have some excellent conversations!

Alright. I’m all for reading-especially for being informed, but also just for the sake of reading. And I have a book suggestion that is both an excellent piece of work, but also incredibly well-written and vital to this day and age. I’m pasting my GoodReads review, because I think I said it best there, and you’ll get the gist. The book I’m recommending is Being Emily by Rachel Gold.

BE.jpg

Here’s my GR review:

**Slight spoiler alert** Having known a few people who made this transition story personal for my own read, I can honestly say I am completely impressed.
First, let me just say that although this book is rather short, it is packed to the brim with information-some of which you won’t process until after you’ve slept on it! There are no facts or figures in this book, but your brain will process the new characters in such a way that you’re going to make some sums. With that being said, there are some things I want to review as a bystander to this situation.
The chapters with Claire are my favorite. Claire asks the questions that a bystander is curious about but doesn’t want to seem rude over. And she slips up with her gender pronouns-just like most of us do. It’s a process and Claire is the closest thing to an ally that I could relate to. Natalie is seen as the pinnacle of success, as is Elizabeth-for having been able to completely “integrate”, but I would personally have like to have seen them more developed as characters. Maybe this could be done in a spin off or something-because an older “T-girl”, who say, started her transition in the 80s or 90s would also be a great read-especially from RG.
As you follow Emily, you really start to ask yourself questions about where you stand, who you are and the books requires you to see things from a perspective that may not be your own. And that’s the best part. Because at the end of the day, there needs to be a main character that people of any form of minorities relate to be it a gender minority, a sexuality one or an ethnic one.
I think the reason I found so much truth in this book is that I, like so many others, have grown up in a very conservative Christian area, where the questions raised are incredibly similar to the ones I’ve heard about Other gender and sexuality issues. The arguments are similar, the frustrations an punishments are similar and I think that that’s what draws people in-especially young people. But to have the one family member who backs her first be her own brother, is very telling. Children do not come born with hate and fear of differences, they are taught these prejudices. And then to have her father bring about the ultimatum about HRT was just great. I think a lot of people expect mothers to love their kids more unconditionally and to have that story line altered was superb.
I gave this book five stars because although as I said it is a quick read, I finished it in about 3 hours total, there is so much information to be gleaned from it that it carries the emotional baggage of a novel twice the length. You come away from it every bit as aware of your surroundings and biases as though you were actually a side character, stumbling through the fog yourself.
I’ve already begun recommending this book to others, for the pure and simple fact that although it may not be your preferred genre, it is a story that needs told and RG was the one to do it with love and grace. More people need to understand the pain and hardships of other individuals and open their minds to the possibility that there may be a different view point than the one they’ve been indoctrinated into.
This book was recommended to me by the alpha reader for RG. I will be heavily recommending this book as a read for several psych courses, as well as some human growth and development ones. (Obviously, I will be recommending this to other readers as well.)

 

Seriously. This book is an excellent place to start for people who are just getting introduced to the topic of transgender, as well as for parents who have questions (especially in a religious capacity). Anyway, I definitely recommend this book, it’s fantastic.

And a quick PSA: If you do read, leave her a review-that’ll help her get recognized, and allow for more books about these issues!

LGBTQIAP+

I got into a philosophical conversation today with some friends about how it is incredibly common for the masses to cut off the letters after “LGBT”. Hardly anyone uses the other letters, or they go so far as Q. I want to discuss these terms, as well as a few others. Not in spite of Pulse, but because of it. Human rights and human beings cannot continue to go unspoken, underrepresented and undermined. My only waiver statement is that I’m trying my best to be accurate, but I’m not perfect. This is meant as a discussion-if you have comments, concerns or general inquiries-please plop them into the comments. I always take them seriously-ya’ll know that to be true.

themore

Lesbian: A woman who is romantically, sexually, and/or affectionally attracted to women.

Gay: A man who is romantically, sexually, and/or affectionally attracted to men.

Bisexual: A person who has sexual and emotional relationships with or feelings towards both women and men, although not necessarily at the same time.

Transgender: A term for people who challenge society’s view of gender as fixed, unmoving, dichotomous, and inextricably linked to one’s biological sex.

Queer: Usually this term is used as a self-affirming umbrella term for the LGBTQIA community. *COULD BE OFFENSIVE*

Intersex (Androgynous): A person born with sex chromosomes, external genitalia, or an internal reproductive system that is not considered medically standard for either male or female. If both are present, the term hermaphrodite may still be used, even though it is outdated

Asexual: A person who doesn’t experience sexual attraction or who has low or no interest in sexual activity. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.

Pan (Poly)sexual: A person who is attracted to all or many genders or gender expressions.

+ (Ally): An individual whose attitudes and behavior are supportive and affirming of all genders and sexual orientations and who is active in combating homophobia, transphobia, heterosexism, and cissexism both personally and institutionally.

Questioning: A process whereby an individual is re-assessing his or her sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

Androphilia: attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity

Gynephilia: attracted to woman, females, and/or femininity

Autosexual: someone who has a great deal of trouble responding to someone else sexually but can respond fairly or very well to his (or her) own touch.

Metrosexual: a man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.

Skoliosexual: attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions

Genderqueer: Identity adopted by some trans people who blur the lines of the gender binary or embrace gender fluidity.

Gender Binary: Recognizes only two genders and regulates behavior within narrowly male or female expectations.

Neutrois: non-binary gender identity which is considered to be a neutral or null gender.

Transsexual: a person who identifies as a sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth

Aromantic: a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in forming romantic relationships.

Greyromantic: orientation that is between aromantic (no romantic attraction) and romantic, experiencing romantic attraction, but not very often.

Lithromantic: feel romantic attraction towards others and also enjoy being in romantic relationships but only in theory.

Demiromantic: an individual who does not experience attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with another individual. Often within a romantic relationship.

Polyamorous: open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one

Cisgender: Not transgender, that is, having a gender identity or gender role that society considers appropriate for the sex one was assigned at birth.

Sexual Orientation: A person’s emotional, physical, and sexual attraction and the expression of that attraction with other individuals.

There’s a difference between sex, sexual orientation and gender. There is also a difference between sexual orientation and attraction. I just want to get these definitions out there, because ignorance can only be defeated by education and understanding.

Definitions today were taken from:

Amherst College

It’s Pronounced Metrosexual

Google

Give Love Today

I was going to do a piece today about trans fear at my old high school. I was going to tell you all about this great idea about how to revamp the education system so that ignorance is blotted away by comprehensive education. I was going to tell you about the hopes I have for the future.

Instead, I got in contact with the people I know from Florida, made sure they were safe.

Instead, I checked the pages of my LGBTQIAP friends, to make sure they were still alive, still safe, still okay.

Instead, I found out that there was something similar going to happen in California, but it was stopped. And that people were murdered in my home state today as well.

Instead, I searched the news, angry to find that not only had people lost their lives, there was a bomb that would have gone off as well.

Instead, I opened all my social medias and watched the solidarity of people praying for a better tomorrow.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for the lives lost. I’m so sorry for the way that the education system failed. I’m so sorry that people are still afraid of what they don’t understand. I’m so sorry that hatred is a larger driving force than compassion. I’m so sorry that people will take this event to talk about Islam, LGBTQIAP and gun violence in an ignorant light, without actually helping the situation, creating more ignorance and bigotry. I’m so sorry that there were tweets this morning about “deserving it” and “AIDS on the walls”. I’m so sorry.

I won’t promote hate. I won’t hide who and what I am. But I want to ask all of my readers, followers, friends, family, fellow bloggers, and everyone who may come in contact with this post, or me, to please be careful-especially if you’re planning on going to PRIDE. Please. Don’t let hatred force you back into the shadows. But please be careful. Be safe. Be loved.

Bi-Squared

label 1

Look at all those labels. And all for just one person. Each one a reminder of my place, of the fact that I belong in a category. Each one fitting me neatly, each one coming with a list of things that are expected of me. Some require more than others, some come with some extra baggage that doesn’t quite meet my personal hopes. (I’m looking at you, little “millennial” label!)

banner 1.png

Uh-oh. It’s like trying to put a star in the circle hole. It’s “okay” if you’re one or the other, but be a part of too many minorities and suddenly it can feel like everyone has an issue with your existence.

I’ve “been” bipolar for the better part of a decade. The same, I suppose, could be said for being bisexual. I like to think I’m more of a sapiosexual, someone attracted to intelligence, but I love anyone who loves me-irrespective of gender. I got married comparatively young (I was 21) and up popped the naysayers. “If you were really bisexual, you wouldn’t have married hetero. You’d have married a woman.” and “You probably just said you were bisexual for attention. You’re either straight or gay. No in-between.”

That’s pretty close to the same thing people said to me when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I got the usual “cry for attention” argument, the “making it up” comments and the “you need to just get over it” statements. It begins to feel pretty oppressive if you add both of those together, like no one wants to look at you like a complex person but a complex problem.

Looking back at my dating history, I realized that a lot of the reasons I sabotaged my relationships had more to do with the way my disorder made me than it did who I was, or who I was with. I would start a relationship with someone in a manic state and the world would come crashing down as I slipped into depression. Each relationship came with the hope that whoever I was with-regardless of gender-would be able to help me when I couldn’t help myself. I married my husband because he was the one person who looked at me and saw more than a list of symptoms and problems. He saw me as a person worthy of love and respect. It didn’t matter what category I placed myself in (or how many), but that I chose to love him for him, and not for reasons my disorder placed at the top of the list.

No matter how I (or anyone, for that matter) choose to live my life, I will always be met with criticisms. Choosing to go “off meds”, back to counseling, not have kids, and more have all come with a slew of questions that came with good intentions, but were ultimately incredibly condescending and a little rude. As someone used to it by now, I just shrug it off with a respectful attempt to educate, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have anything heartfelt to say about it!

I watch the way the world seems to come at people who are different with fear and contempt. Being bipolar is hard for a plethora of reasons, but I’ve never felt scared of the way other people would view me. Being bisexual isn’t hard (unless you make it that way), but it’s definitely easy to feel judged or inferior with things like religious freedom laws and anti-LGBT protests. Being bi-squared (what I call myself for being both bi-polar and bi-sexual), puts me in an awkwardly precarious place because a lot of people just assume that I’m messed up in the head, so my orientation is just the product of my brain being defective.

The thing is, I’m a human being-the same as you. And I wasn’t meant to fit neatly into a category, or even several of them. I’m pretty sure the only way to live life to the fullest is to just be myself-the messy, zany, passionate me that means I may fit into some categories neatly, some not so much and some not at all. Most of all though, I get to pick those categories for myself, same as you. When we learn to respect those choices, and even value someone for having the ability to choose, that’s what makes the metaphorical world go round.

May the Fourth…Be With You

Even with the current political climate, I will continue to blog about women’s issues, human rights and mental health. (I may do an expose about political climates, but at a later time.)

I recently commented (on Facebook) on a local news station’s announcement of the discussion of banning non-essential traffic from Ohio to North Carolina, because of the “bathroom bill”. Me being me, I had to comment-I love human rights issues (because they are opportunities to expand my awareness and activism). Here’s what I expected going in, and what I hoped for:

trans equal

Expect: People to disagree, challenge my views.

Hope: I could change someone’s mind.

What I didn’t expect was the vicious content that would ensue. I will retype here what I typed there, and then tell you about the responses.

The thing is, rapists and sexual predators have been coming after women and children for years, decades and no one has bothered to put up this amount of riotous behavior. It isn’t about bathrooms, just as it has never been. It is about the average person not understanding that which they fear. If it was their children, their siblings, who were transgender or transsexual, then perhaps the tides would change towards equality. However, with all this being said, I am incredibly proud to call Ohio my home, and Columbus my city. It is incredibly easy to cry foul play when you feel like your rights are being infringed upon, but the reality of the situation is that the rights of the cis- have always been safe. It is now up to the minorities, those who have not had access to the same rights, to rise up and cry out as loudly as they can. Freedom isn’t free, and equality isn’t universal. Yet. But with a little understanding, a little empathy and some patience, perhaps we, as the American people (and Ohioans!) can usher in a new era of acceptance, love and humility-putting aside the fear mongering, the hatred and the ignorance. Thank you, Columbus City Council. May love prevail!

Now, yes. It does sound like a naive college student with liberal ideas wrote that. You’d be reading that same view point in all of my blogs. However, what I said was (in my mind) respectful, and reflected my true feelings. I didn’t name call, I didn’t stoop to low levels, I tried to remain calm in a conversation topic where tempers run rampant.

Some of the responses included (I copied and pasted-so any misspellings or poor grammar are as they were written by the original posters):

“What love? U certainly show none”

“Jared fogel and friends loves and thanks u”

“Pedophiles or rapist to pretend their transgender to exploit it. If you don’t think they will do that you need to take off your love cures all blinders right now. They are liars, manipulates and they will do anything to fulfill their sexual desires.”

“Where does this end, at what point do pedophiles get granted their rights.”

“Seriously, I think it’s just another card to pull, I have a male friend who is gay, he always says, if they talk to me like that, I’ll pull the gay card, if I get fired I’ll pull the gay card, that’s all I hear… Where the hell is the straight card? It’s all about control and money…”

“Play every last PC Card like a typical liberal. Call common sense “fear mongering” to try’n get your way. Grow a pair while your at it.”

Now, at this point I have to mention that my comment to the last one was (It’s my favorite comment):

And if I did, in fact, “grow a pair”, NAME DELETED, would that allow me to use the rest room in peace? My career is in human rights, so you’ll forgive me if I continue promoting equality instead of pulling America backwards.

I have been called a murderer because of my stance on abortions, I have been called all the usual things that men call women who are strong and opinionated. I have struggled with my identity and ideas in light of these things, and I have to say, I believe I have come out of this ordeal (and others) a stronger, more sure person.

equal

I was asked if I believed that someone would willingly submit themselves to a future if they weren’t even part of the group. I had, at that point, answered that although I consider myself bisexual, I had played the part of “lesbian girlfriend” for several of my friends who were in a situation that merited my actions. So when I think of that question now, and try to apply it to this topic, I can only be reaffirmed by my ideas before.

I know I’m a very passionate, outspoken, opinionated individual. I know that I do my best to listen to other people’s ideas, and that I try to be respectful at all times. I also know that I have to stand up for what I believe is right. That’s what it means to truly live. And so I will not be hurt by the people calling me names, or making suggestions about the way I live my life. I will continue to fight for justice, as long as I live.

I don’t think that all Americans believe this way. I don’t even think it’s a majority of them. But what I do think, is that there are a large portion of people who have opinions about this and other issues who choose to remain silent. I can’t remain silent while my friends, old acquaintances, family members, find themselves fearing for their basic rights. I have plans, I have hopes and dreams, and because I ally myself this way, because I belong to several minorities (which will be a blog post on its own), I may be forced into some tight spots. But I choose to believe that justice and love with shine through, and I will not remain silent.

Bullseye

I woke up this morning and could just smell the injustices of the world. You know, it just hung like smog around the earth. And I knew I had to do something about it. What did I want to do? Blog? Eventually. Protest? Protest what? Spend my money where my alliances lign up? Yes indeedy. I decided I was gonna don the robe of justice and bring my voice to the masses.

I went to Target today. I’ve been there, but never bought anything from the store before. I “dressed up for justice”.. I did my hair, my makeup, put on my nicest clothes, grabbed my “power” heels, my husband and my wallet and drove to the store. Did I need anything from Target? Not necessarily. But what I needed was to make sure that I supported a business who supports equality.

Now I must add some comments about my attire, because the choices were very deliberate. I decided I was gonna rock the body I so seldom ply truly love. I was proud of the way I looked. What you may not be able to see are the three rings I am wearing. One is my engagement ring/wedding band combo. That one is very obvious as to why I should wear it (and he’s the one who took the first photo). One is a moonstone, which represents femininity and one is just a piece of costume jewelry that I love and use only on special occasions-with this being a holiday and all, I thought it was a good enough reason. On one of my wrists I am wearing a blue and pink bracelet and the other I am wearing a rainbow one. Obviously the rainbow one is for gay support, but the other one is for bisexuality support. I have many friends who are L/G and I belong to the “bi” category. I chose a black and white striped dress because a white and black flag is the one used by straight allies. As I have said, I do not fit in the “straight” category, but I am an ally and I’m not transgender or transsexual, so I thought it was fitting. And grey leggings because grey is the color for asexuallity, which brings us almost completely to all the letters of LGBTQIA. And the heels? Those are my “I’m gonna sue you” heels. My eyes have teal eyeliner, because that is the color for sexual assault awareness. All in all, this is my first day of dressing up for what I believe in, and it marks the start of my career in human rights.

I needed to know what it felt like to look business professional for something I truly believe in, because that is going to be the rest of my life. I’m adding pictures as proof that I actually went there-and bought stuff, because words are just words, you know?

 
The model looks like she’s resting on my head. And I’m pretty impressed with the amount of frizz that is absent from my hair!


There’s the frizz! In the mirror! But ultimately, I took this picture in the bathroom aisle because that’s what this is all about (and I really didn’t have to pee). I’m really pretty pleased with my selfie game here. Classy.

You know, I posted a status on my Facebook page about how I was going to go to Target today and if that offended anybody, they should unfriend me. I’m a big girl, it won’t hurt my feelings to lose “friends” whom I do not agree with on issues of human rights. It honestly should not come as a surprise that I support bathroom equality. Because it’s all about human equality. I do not identify as transgender nor do Iidentify as a transsexual. But I identify as a human being. And the thing is, statistically speaking, trans people are the ones getting attacked and sexually assaulted, not doing the attacking. And you know what else? If parents were worried about their kids being in situations which might be dangerous, why aren’t the parents going to the facilities with their children? My parents did up until I was old enough to know that I could use the restroom without help, and with the understanding that if something happened, I’d scream like murder (I’d say I was about 8, maybe 10).

The thing is, people are afraid of what they don’t understand. And that’s not how we should live. This blog is my stance. So to all you Chrsitians and Catholics who say that you love like Jesus did and then immediately cry for the persecution of transgender and transsexual individuals, you are the problem. Jesus didn’t only love the people just like him. He just loved. The end. No qualifiers, no categories. And you’re doing Christianity wrong if you love any other way but unconditionally. And you know what, that goes for all religions, including having no religion at all. If you’re for equality, for safety, for love, for humanity, for the future, for living to the fullest and you are anti this topic, you’re not living your life to the fullest capacity. You are, in fact, holding everyone else back. I know, I’m a radical millennial (I was born in 1992. I call myself everything but a millennial, but whatever.) and I haven’t “experienced” life yet. But you know what, I don’t need 40 or 50 or 70 years of life to know that there are good people and bad people in the world and that chances are, you’re only assuming that someone belongs in a certain category because you don’t understand it. Do I know what it’s like to be a trans individual? Nope. But I have friends who do. And I treat them like human beings. Period. Because that’s what they are.

I can only hope that if one of my future children identifies as a member of the trans community, that they know how much I love them as a person, not as a prescribed way of being. And I wish this “issue” were more personal for people. Because until you have seen and heard and been a part of the life of someone who is trans, you really don’t understand what the “big deal” is. And that is half the problem.


Forgive the mess! This is my favorite selfie of the day.

So thank you Target, for allowing me to enter your store, for placing store representatives who smiled at me and asked me if I found everything okay. Thank you for supplying products to a less than straight pagan woman in Ohio and her husband. Thanks for letting me wander around and take some selfies. Thanks for having the products that I was wanting to pick up and for putting those discount stickers on stuff.

But more than that, thank you. Thank you, Target. Thank you for serving the people of our fair country to the best of your inclusive ability. Thank you for ensuring that customers and patrons feel that they are protected and appreciated enough that they can be themselves. Thank you for remembering that we are all human in the end and that there is inherent good in the people of our human race. Thank you for embracing the things that make us all unique-even when there are so many who do not understand. Thank you for opening your hearts when others would have you open the door to bigotry and fear. Thank you for ensuring that the bullseye symbol which you have chosen as your brand does not stand for the way in which you “target” people different from you, but for the way it encircles all walks of life in one unified stance. And lastly, thank you for not giving in. I can only imagine what trans people feel when they see the hatred and fear coming from their fellow humans and I am so glad that you have provided a light in the darkness.